How never to be TOXIC (even if you really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, 10x really, want to be…) #ToThyManorsWithLove
{So, since i guess people need some sort of social manual sometime.}
Or at least for those really, really off days? Or for those days when you can’t explain things, and can’t explain why things happen - and why they happen to you? And your grandma is off weeding, or whatever she does in that godforsaken room the whole day, and doesn’t have time to be with you to coddle you and attend to all your micro-needs, until you feel better enough to look after yourself. Sometimes, that is the side-effect of what is called nannying. Having someone else look after your kids, or your grandmother - after she’s just brought up seven or so kids, and three houses, and thirteen grandkids herself. She’s probably tired to look after yours. (Or she can call your dad, so he can bring you to work. People do that nowadays.)
Ok, let’s start with What is TOXIC?
Normally, people say you are toxic when you are best left alone, or without meaning to, make you automatic because interaction is just that step closer to being committed in a hospital of nonsense, or when you just count the hours to end of day, time to sleep or go off to see something the neighbour is doing at the next door, really silly-like and finding someone to be really mismatched with and you know, not be all that perfect, like all the time.
1./ When we say “man, you need five.”
That means, you have been toxic and you need a timeout. In sports teams, the coach or teacher gives you a fiver (hopefully that was money in your back pocket, but um, no) - and that means you need to walk that hostility/ animosity off. And you can be a team again.
2./ Sometimes, there are just “those days”.
Yes, we have about 2-3 days of cheat-day offence time - saying it as it is, or just pitching your bad side - and then man, be effing brave and just get yourself a life. Sometimes, we just need corporate life/ school to have trained us to be however we need to function to be working seamlessly - or without serious rust, what’s that term “like a well-oiled machine” - with a very competent, worthy, dynamic, awesome team. Because, there are those days, when you just can’t go it alone even if you want to. (Admit it).
3./ Being an adult. Like, try.
Self explanatory. For those breaching the international adult (drinking) age dateline border of 17-and-above, you’ll know what i mean. In some countries, people do get jobs at age 17, because #booze. I became an adult when i chose to: acquire scuba diving lessons, offered a modelling job, go to engineering in college, move to the US, and drive a 1.3L/12valve japanese car in college at age sixteen (some people start early). Because their effing allowance isn’t cutting their social lives. (Not to mention their pricey footie shoes!!!) What is the point of cutting the team, when you have nothing to get to the training fields at like, 5am four times a week in between honour program classes that you need all-A’s to be able to keep your scholarships? Does your chain-smoking mother care?
4/ So, when you only have a leather pack to match your leather shoes - and you want to wear slippers because holy crap it’s 40 effing degrees out - and you need to slot in with the highest of expectations of funders/ foundations with very exacting, trying, effing LEAN grids, (yeah. you need a fucking drink.)
So, okay the rowing team needs you to drop 16 to be a fricking coxswain, your in-laws are in for the weekend and need to leaf through jamie oliver recipe books to come up with a meatloaf three-course magic dinner that hope doesn’t choke them, and you need a dress to prom when you have a baby in your midsection. (Boo Hoo, oh well that’s life). You have to cut your grass, mow the lawn, wash those piling dishes, take the car to the cleaners, and corrupt no one along the way to hell, and people think you write fiction editorials?!? But, but, but I work for a fashion magazine!
5./ Toxic is a gas pedal in the wrong side of easing up, while you’re going nowhere.
6./ Toxic is a mindset that strips people who are anywhere near its 5metre- 3-inch page, 500decibel blast radius, of their earned and birthright dignity.
7./ The crap that comes out of your drainpipe, when you have that issue for ages, and have not found a resolution to seriously get yourself situated in the ironies of life - and people expect YOU to adjust to them. Like all the time.
8./ Toxic is when the FATTER lady sings.
9./ Toxic is when your best friend for ages, just becomes an asshole overnight. And you don’t. know. why.
10./ Toxic is bred, not born. (My creative director cousin-in-law gave me a book when i started out in advertising saying in a gist: “how i should cultivate my inner bitch” by some vile, toxic author.) Telltale signs of not having really needed the shield, i am still reeling, appalled at how i may need it like, now.
11./ How do we resolve all of this - before it migrates, spreads very inorganically, and toxicity times ten becomes hatred seeded in people’s hearts? THAT is what the digital diagnosticsticians should resolve. Not how many peepers there were on your fricking FACEBOOK page. Because, the environmental activists are like, tired. Hello.
12./ Toxicity, is when you are given so much to deal with, and no graciousness is left un-turned, because they were given the third degree and people have felt the pinch before, and they wonder, “why the heck do YOU get the breaks?” It happens, when there is a breed of information that has been manipulated, fabricated, and misinterpreted to function as an Fx of Social. Holy crap.
13./ Toxicity is bred of propaganda and an abuse of media, position or power. (Or what are all the F’s and P’s & Q’s that uttered as a by-product.)
14./ Toxic is your middle name, when you lead yourself the disillusion that you have no way out, and there was no resolve because they had no choice, and you planted your time unwisely with the bad timing that was a bad place, people, circle of neighbours, and “friends”.
15./ Not knowing how to break cycles of bad - that you have already identified, and you attract the wrong sort who feed on your misfortunes.
These are examples of what toxic looks like. So, how is this resolved?
The infinite possibilities of all types of appropriate resolutions (derived from the extent and length of exposure to toxicity), requires thought. And obviously, more healing, calm, soothing, solitary spaces. NOT more doses or any direct exposure to toxicity. (If you can help it). Also, travel. Always a quick cure for things unexplained, untimely sussing, or unprocessed - with its intensity, impact, and the severe gravity of delivery.
1/ We need a 5-level step retreat: Somewhere in the middle of a pleasant somewhere. 2/ Possibly take only ONE device, choose: a laptop to bash out your feelings on retreat, OR your phone. This is towards the digital purge. Not to be antisocial. 3/ And we need the surrounds of our positive friends. Call them. Write them. Message them. They will always be there for you. 4/ Take a weekly break, and spend EXACTLY five months with your best friends, or the remaining relatives who are not contributory to toxicity / you just like best. (Best = available, and don’t mind your inexcusable, self-explanatory, antisocial moping in the guest room) 5/ Do something else. Far far away. Entirely. 6/ Oh, and Stop cursing. THE F WORD IS NOT A punctuation mark. It isn’t as cool as you think, or as it is brought to make characters more excitingly pronounced in the movies. So lead a more cuss-free life. If you can manage it. 7/ Be elegant, in everything that you do. Yes, that’s sometimes perceived as posh. But there’s a reason people aspire to be that brand of posh. It isn’t to be thought of well - but it ascribes a faster way to connecting better with people. Unless you are a loner, and prefer to be. 8/ Get a social coach. They’ll know what to do. And tell you. Hard. 9/ Read more books. It elevates your brand of reasoning, makes you more intelligent, and gets you out of your mired derivative social network. 10/ Listen to music, that soothes, and lay off the punk rock for a while. There’s a chill setting on your Spotify. Somewhere.
{TheFridayDetox, From My House To Your House.}